In praise of Star Wars Rebels

I'm changing the name of this blog, and #WeWantLeia is why

I spoil it for Siri

Guest Post: How I came back to Star Wars action figures by YASWB

Beatrice and I watch Star Wars together

[Review] William Shakespeare's Star Wars by Ian Doescher 

Star Wars oil painting exhibit "Sandstorm" opens

Breakneck boredom: an old time Star Wars fan's thoughts on Star Trek Into Darkness

They put me on the news to talk about Star Wars

More from Steve Sansweet on Star Wars and gay marriage

Carmine Infantio has died

I can die happy: I've been interviewed by Dungeons & Dragons

Star Wars Episode 7: All My Children?

What JJ Abrams needs to really succeed with Star Wars 7

Star Wars: The Old Republic is gay--on one planet at least

Tongal and Pringles bring us DYI desecration of Star Wars

Reminiscences about West End Games' Star Wars Roleplaying Game

Here's the biggest Star Wars news of 2012

Stephen Quinn interviews me about Star Wars on CBC Vancouver

Star Wars: modern myth or global franchise?

Parents turn child's 1st birthday into extended Lucasfilm/Hasbro advert

Me reading from A Long Time Ago

Highlights and lowlights of the upcoming Star Wars Celebration VI

Grown men (mostly) dressed up as Lando Calrissian

Beggar's Canyon Toys offer Star Wars toy "restoration" service

Blog's t-shirts banned by Zazzle

Will the real David Prowse please stand up?

LaserSaber: Unlicensed, dangerous and yours for only $99

Is this the future of Star Wars?

Is Star Wars link bait?

Dissent not tolerated at the Prequel Appreciation Society

TSOT discovers its nemesis

Comme des idiots: Star Wars teams up with poncy fashion house

US Christian activist attacks SWTOR for being gay

Yodaphone--the latest product pitch from Star Wars Inc.

Attention tortoise-fanciers: do you like Star Wars?

History of Star Wars as related by a bot

Is Star Wars a travesty of science fiction?

Luke Skywalker and company on the Muppet Show

Yoda now shilling instant soup in Japan

Commander who?

$6000 for a toy you can't even play with

Star Wars underwear

Retro Star Wars decor in my son's bedroom

Phantom Menace 3D: Now With Plot

Star Wars and disco: the forgotten love affair

Will Muschamp: What a guy!

Oi, fanboy: grow up! A reply to Darren Franich


aaction figures aboriginal action figures admiral ackbar Advertising Afghanistan ai alderaan Alec Guiness amazon Apple Architecture artoo Arts and crafts atari AT-AT a-team AT-ST auction Australia AV Club bad feeling bar mitzvah Beatrice bedding beeb Ben Affleck bib fortuna birds birthdays blogs bloopers blu-ray Boba Fett Boing Boing Bonnie Burton Books boxing Bryzgalov bullying Burger King burlesque c-3po calgary herald Canada candles candy cantina Carmine Infantino carrie fisher cars cartoon cell phones Chewbacca China Chris Woods christmas Clone Wars Clothing & Fashion cocktails coffee cold war Colin Mochrie Collectibles Comics comics conspiracy copy red leader copyright corrupting youth Cory Doctorow costumes Crime cufflinks Culture Cyndi Lauper D&D dark horse Darth Vader darwin Dave Banks david prowse ddark horse death star deathstarpr diapers diary Dick Cheney dinosaur comics Disco Disney diy documentaries doll Dr Seuss dr. who dresses droids early bird easter egg eBay eepisode 7 effects elstree Empire Empire Uncut Endor episode 7 etsy Events ewoks expanded universe extras Ezra fanboys father first viewing Food food football Frozen Furnishings Games gamorrean guard Gary Gygax Gary Kurtz gawthrok geekdad geeks gene siskel George Lucas gifts graffiti Grand Moff Tarkin Greedo Grenadier growing up Halloween han solo Han Solo harmonica harrison ford Hasbro helmet high definition hockey holidays hologram homophobia honeymoon Hot Problems humour Humour Hygiene Ian Doescher iron-on transfers izzard jabba james last Jamie Benning jar jar jawas jaxxon jedi Jefferson Starship Jesus jewellery JJ Abrams john booth john williams Joseph Campbell judaism jumping the shark Kanan kari maaren kdp Kelowna Kenner kids Kobo Lando Calrissian language laundry Law Lawrence Kasdan Lego leigh brackett Life Day lightsabers lincoln little free library lollipops Los Angeles Times louvre luke Malaysia mark hamill marvel masers may the fourth Mayfair Theatre Meco memes michael arndt middle ages midichlorians millennium falcon miniatures Minnesota mMy book Mona Lisa money montreal canadiens Movies Music My book myth nasa Navajo needlecraft nelson mandela New York New York Times New Zealand nostalgia obama Obi-Wan Kenobi Ottawa paedophilia pants Parenting pee Pen-Mar Penticton Peter Cushing pets Pets physics plasticine please stop Politics porkins porn posters pranks prequelitis Prequels prequels Princess Leia princess leia pringles prop psa pulp novels puppetry purim pussy riot quotes R2-D2 radio ralph mcquarrie ratherchildish reddit Relationships Religion reviews Rick McCallum right on brother Rob Lang roger ebert RPGs rumours Sam Witwer san francisco sandcrawler Sandstorm Science & Tech science fiction Scribd sculpture sellout shakespeare shoes silence sillof siri smells snowspeeder sorry Spaceballs special editions speeder bike sperm Sports star trek Star Wars Celebration star wars detours Star Wars Holiday Special star wars logo Star Wars Rebels star wars rebels Star Wars Uncut Star Wars Uncut Starlog starwarsremix steve nash Steven Sansweet stormtroopers stupidity tattoo tauntaun Tel Aviv Television terrariums The Board of Education The Emperor the force The Muppets thermal detonator Threepio Threepio TIE fighter toilet Topps tortoises Toys tractor beam trading cards trailer tuna tupac Turkey twitter underwear USSR vader valentine's day vancouver violin Volkswagen wales wampa Warwick Davis watermelon wedding West End westerns Whedon William Wordsworth wired women and girls wtf wygant xkcd x-wing yaswb yoda yoga zazzle

Entries in deathstarpr (1)


Death Star PR FAQs the Phantom Menace

Death Star PR has posted a hilarious FAQ on the Phantom Menace. Here are some highlights, but follow the link below to read the whole thing. And don't forget to follow @deathstarpr on Twitter.

Is it a bad sign for a family/kid’s film that the second line of the opening crawl reads, “The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute”?
Are you kidding us? You obviously know nothing about children. Kids love their mobiles, tweeting about Justin Bieber and Facebooking but you know what they love more? INTERGALACTIC TAXATION LAW DISPUTES AND PARLIAMENTARY DEBATE ABOUT SAID LAWS. Today’s average seven-year-old is all like, “Hey Steve, did you see Ben 10 this morning? PSYCHE STEVE, SUPER PSYCHE! I DIDN’T! I WAS WATCHING THE GALACTIC SENATE DISCUSS THE PASSING OF AN ADDENDUM TO SUBSECTION 27(C)(iii) REGARDING SPECIAL DISPENSATION TO TRADE ACROSS INTERGALACTIC BOUNDARIES!”


Why is the “Queen” of Naboo an elected position? Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a monarchy? How come she’s only sixteen or whatever? Would any even moderately sane planet really ELECT a teenager to rule them? Have they ever met an actual teenager?
Yes, okay, it would make a lot more sense if she was the hereditary ruler of the planet but seriously, stop nitpicking. This isn’t some stupidly boring movie about intergalactic succession laws and systems of government. It’s about the thrilling world of intergalactic taxation law, remember?


Wow… the expository dialogue between Padmé and Anakin is pretty fucking terrible, huh?
A word of advice? Literally the ONE way you are going to survive this movie and NOT rip your own frontal lobe out through your bloody ear holes is to not think about anything anybody says to anybody at any stage.


Okay, I’m scared but it’s time… Death Star PR, why are midi-chlorians?
Glad you asked! Midi-chlorians are intelligent microscopic symbiotic organisms that–

No, WHY are midi-chlorians? Why are they in the movie? Why did the concept of “the Force”, which everyone completely understood already, require more explanation?
Weeeell…  they provide a shorthand way for Mr. Lucas to tell the audience that Anakin is REALLY strong with the Force, rather than finding a clever and interesting way to show us that he’s incredibly strong with it.

It’s kind of like if the Harry Potter books had opened with Dumbledore waving his wand at Harry and saying, “Ah, I see you have the highest count of anti-Mugglets the world has ever seen! You will be the world’s GREATEST wizard!” Instead of setting up the whole mystery of who Voldemort was, what really happened to Harry’s parents and what his connection to Voldemort really is, which becomes the central mystery that plays out over seven books.

So … wait … you mean midi-chlorians provide a shorthand way of avoiding telling an actual interesting story in which we get to see Anakin first use, then begin to master his extraordinary powers against all the odds?
That’s it! Added bonus: it completely destroys the notion that the Force is an aspect of individual spirituality, which can be strengthened by one’s faith. Because strength in the Force is no longer about whether you believe enough to make something happen, it’s just whether you have enough midi-chlorians to do it. If you think about it, it negates Luke and Yoda’s entire training session on Dagobah! HOORAY FOR SCIENCE! WHOOO!


To recap, by now Qui-Gon has: mind-tricked the Gungan monarch, kidnapped a severely intellectually disabled Gungan for some reason, attempted to mind-trick a junk dealer, used the Force to manipulate a bet against said junk dealer, wagered his only means of transportation on a pod race, allowed (nay, encouraged!) a child to enter that pod race and taken a reading of that child’s DNA/midi-chlorians without parental permission.
That about sums it up. Is there a question here, or… ?

Qui-Gon is a Jedi, bound to a strict code of justice and morality and fuck it, it makes no sense to us either. Probably because it’s easier to just write her out of the story now? Of course, if the SECOND story had become the FIRST story, Mr. Lucas could’ve killed her off near the start, thus setting Anakin on the path to being a Jedi after already taking his first steps to the Dark Side by killing a bunch of Sand People, which would have been incredibly interesting and thus, isn’t even close to what actually happens.


I have no questions about the next few scenes, as my brain just genuinely tried to liquify itself rather than be subjected to the boredom contained within the Galactic Senate scenes again.
Man, you are missing out. This is the shit the kids have been waiting for, yo! When Supreme Chancellor Valorum asks Padmé, “Will you defer your motion to allow a commission to explore the validity of your accusations?” the kids go FUCKING MENTAL. To them, it’s like playing a video game inside a jumping castle that you can only win by eating so much candy you EXPLODE.


Surely the IMPORTANT thing now is that we’re at the climax! The nail biting and action-packed final act! This is going to be AMAZING!
Yes, the entirely computer generated Gungan VS Droid Army battle certainly promises to be JUST as exciting as the pod race, but better, because there’s a SLIGHT chance Jar Jar might die. But actually, it will be worse, because it contains even less human characters AND Jar Jar doesn’t, in fact, die.

Death Star PR: The Ultimate Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D FAQ